So many celebs, so many bawlls

Hey Deb, check this out! I was cruisin' the web tonight and I found this article about celebs grabbin' their bawlls in public on some fancy new news source "The Daily Beast". And wouldn't cha know it, THREE of our Bawll Talk featchas are on here. Whata the chances? Our baby tabby Zac Efron, lady-boy Biebs (wait till ya see his stupid hipsta glasses) AND your main squeeze mista Beckham are all in this article or slideshow, whateva it is. I tell ya Deb, I had to chew on a piece a ice after I saw the picha of David. I was on fiyah. There is nuthin' betta, nuthin' betta in this life than seein' a hot man holdin' his own bawlls.

Anyways, this is a good read, a real good read. Apparently Fergie has a dick and Dustin Hoffman has a blast with his bawlls, laughin' his bawlls off with his own bawlls in his hand. You're gonna love it Deb.

Solid Gold Donald Bawlls

Sunday night at tha Doyle residunce can only mean two things: cheese fondue and the Celebrity Apprentice. Oh, The Don. I got frickin stars in my eyes for The Don. Whadda sexy beast. I just know his pubes are combed right over his bawll sack but it don't botha Deb. If the Donald was willing to let ole' Deb have a squeeze, I'd be ok with the extra fuzz swirling around down there, Donny-boy. I bet he's got a pair like a coupla solid gold golf bawlls. Solid gold golf bawlls, covered in a pubic comb-over. Picha it... just close ya eyes and picha it. Mmmm-hmmm. Aw ya. That's what I'm talkin about.

Pauly D's Roasted Nuts

So anutha thing that happened while we wus on hiatus was this brilliant show Jersey Shore. Not a whole lotta good comes outta Jersey but I gotta say, between Jon Bon Jovi and this show, we’re doin alright.

This post is dedicated to my favorite memba Pauly D.

Pauly, I love ya, but I gotta be frank. Ya bawlls are in rough shape my friend.

Tssssssssssssssssssssss. You know what that is Pauly D? That's the sound of my fingatip on ya bawlls. Ya poor little chestnuts are roastin’ in that hot bed you crazy assholes visit every day. Ya hairs are singed ta shit. When ya ejaculate, I smell burnt toast.

Fah Christ sakes Pauly, stop burnin’ ya bawlls! Enough with the tannin’ salons already. Make me a promise Pauly D. Promise Joyce here that yoah neva eva gonna burn that little sack a yoahs eva again. If you wanna keep ‘em bronzed, get a spray tan and aim ya nuts tawads the sky.

Leo's Titanic Bawlls

I’m so happy this movie is comin' out again, this time, in 3D! I love everything about it. The romance, the drahma, the action, the big boat. What do I love most? Young Leo, of course. What a lookah.

I kinda wish those two lovebirds reversed roles in the sketchin’ scene. It would be nice to see Leo drop his drawahs for Kate. Could ya imagine?

“Hey Leo – drop 'em. I’m gonna sketch ya nut sack. Oh by the way, put this diamond necklace around ya waist.” What a sight that would be in 3D. The Heart of the Ocean lyin’ in the middle of a huge bawll cushion. Joyce would be front row centa for that spectacuhl.

Leo has bawlls of Titanic proporshuns, I just know it. The guy only dates supamodels. And those skinny bitches love big bawlls. No doubt about it.

Beibah Bawlls

Hey folks, Deb here. I may not have been updating this blog, but I assure ya, I've been eatin', sleepin' and breathin' bawlls every day since my last post. I dream about bawlls. I see bawlls when I close my eyes and pictcha them through ya pants, handsome. Not that much has changed in the past 3 years. Not that much at all. Oh, wait, I did get black-out wasted on a 12 pack of Smirnoff Ice and 9 months later a baby fell out my lady junk. So, that happened...

Oh, and Beibah-fevah. That happened too. This adorable little lady-boy became a big star. I don't know about you gals, but I like my fantasy men to look like men. Burt Reynolds... now there's a big star. But to each his own, and if you like your fella to be smooth all ova, here's the guy for you. And I don't mean shaved. I mean smooth, like a frickin' Ken doll. Ok, he probably has a tiny wiena, but the Beibah has no bawlls! I can't say for sure, but I'm pretty edumacated in bawllery, and I predict a large empty space in his shorts where his bawlls would be if he was a man.

Sorry Beibah. You're still a kid, maybe ya bawlls will drop soon, hey? Chin up, buttacup.

Crazy, Stupid Bawlls

Who betta to bring Deb and I outta early retirement than the one, the only Ryan Gosling.

This guy has been all ova the news with all his new movies, his chiseled figuah, all those silly ‘Hey Girl’ blogs. He just saved some lady from being run ova by a taxi in NYC. Let me tell you this. If Ryan Gosling pushed me out of harms way, I would grab on to those bawlls and neva let go. The Gos wouldn’t know what hit em. Then I would tell the world I was saved by Ryan Gosling’s hero sack.

Who am I kidding really? We were all saved by Ryan Gosling’s bawlls eva since that damn movie ‘Crazy, Stupid Love’ came out. Holy camoly. I put that movie on once a week and then I pause it during ‘the scene’ just so I can stare at that perfect belly button and follow it right down down tawahds the contouas of the most beautiful bawlls in the world. The only reason I would kick him outta bed would be to bone him on the floor. Shazam.

Back to Bawlls

Hey folks,

Well, it’s been a while, but Bawll Talk is back. I can only chalk it up to Deb and I bein uninspiyad. There just hasn’t been a whole lotta good bawll mahterial out there lately. Oh, and Deb had a baby. I dunno how it’s possible for a 50-year-old hermit who neva even looks at men, let alone sleeps with em, to have a baby (no awfence Deb) but it happened. So we been focusin on the baby, not the bawlls.

Anywhoo, we’re back and betta than eva. And I’ve heard that in the past two years there’s been a whole lotta technology advancements. Twitta, Tumbla, Flicka and such. We’re gonna stick to our blog and our facebook page for right now but once we wrap our heads around this “social media” business you might see us pawp up in some utha places.

Alright, enough babblin’. Let’s talk bawlls.