Ray Romano’s Bawlls are always frownin’

Why is it that Debra neva wants anything to do with Ray’s bawlls? Oh, wait a minute, I know why. It’s because they’re sooo boring. Droopy, sagging, boring bawlls. And so saracastic. I’d like to slap some sense into those floppy, smart ass bawlls. Hey Ray, maybe if ya bawlls weren’t so sarcastic you would get some more sac action from Debra, ya silly asshole.

P. Diddy's Crystal Bawlls

Mo money, mo problems? Yup. Apparently the IRS is lookin’ for ya, Diddy. Something about not paying ya back taxes… but how could that be? Ya covered in crazy bling and ya pour Cristal all ova tha floor for ya “dead homie” Biggie Smowlls. You own multiple homes, cars; ya take vacations in exotic island paradises. That pinky ring costs more than my house! Jeezus, I bet ya bawlls are made from Swarovski crystals and ya undies are made from the finest silks money can buy. Everything you do is so damn extravagant – don’t get me wrong, I would love to go to one of ya parties – but I need you to pay ya taxes so I can keep gettin’ my welfare cheques.

On the utha hand, if you need a bawll-polisher to keep them Swarovski’s gleamin’ and glistenin’, Deb comes qualified. And cheap. But not that cheap, we all know ya have the money, ya bastud.

Jon Gosselin's Shameful Bawlls

Jon Gosselin is a joke. Productive bawlls, no doubt, but he should be ashamed of himself. Leavin’ poor Kate out to dry with 8 little ones runnin’ around. Jon, take it from Joyce, you may be having fun now. But how are you going to feel when those turbo bawlls produce anotha litta with that floozy you’ve been messin’ around with? And now I hear that you’re hanging out with Michael Lohan? FYI - he is a losa. And don't even get me started on that crazy fake tattoo sleeve get-up you're wearin'. Death before dishonor my foot. Seriously, Jon, you’ve got baggage, in more ways than one.

Old Bawlls

Henry Allingham died on Saturday. At 113, he was the worlds oldust living man. Before he died of "natural causes", he credited his long life to "cigarettes, whiskey and wild, wild women". Gotta love this old basturd... When I heard the news I couldn't help but wunda what 113 year old bawlls would be like. Do they get better with age, like fine cheese or a full bodied red wine? Fat chance! I think it's more likely that they wrinkle to raisin proporshuns and droop down to his sock garters. You know you're old when ya hafta move ya wrinkled bawlls outta your way to take ya socks off. At 113, Henry was probably trippin' on his balls all the time. Since when does "natural causes" mean "tripped ova my crazy old bawlls and kicked the bucket"?

Sammy's Bruised Bawlls

Oh jeez, I’m sorry too everybody. It’s hard to post from the stables but I managed to get internet access at a little café this aftuhnoon. Speaking of the stable, have I got a doozy for yous guys. Have ya heard of Sammy Sosa? The baseball playa? Well, he retired (again) from baseball last month and has been spending all his time back in the Dominican. Where in the Dominican you ask? Joyce’s stables. Yup, that's right. Sosa has taken up horseback ridin’! He says it hurts is bawlls, that they're a deep shade of purple from all the bouncin'. We talk about his bawlls a lot actually. I’ve offuhd to massage them, ice them, but Sammy wants to keep things platonic. Maybe someday Sammy, maybe someday.

Jezz, sorry folks....

It's been a while... but with Joyce back in the Dominican for the summa and poor Deb mournin the loss of Michael Jackson (god bless his darlin' little heart - he was too good for this world), we've simply been too busy to talk bawlls. We'll get our shit together ova here and be back to posting before ya know it.... and then... all bawlls, all the time. The way it oughtta be.

Hardee's Holes

This spot for Hardee's 'Biscuit Holes' is a lil' bit of genius. My vote would be "sweet icin' cuvad doughy bawlls". I gotta get me summa these delish lookin' dough bawlls...