I wanna lay you down in a bed of roses Jon Bon Jovi

Who doesn’t love Bon Jovi’s bawlls? I’d like to know. He is an utta saint and his bawlls are the best in the biz.

He’s not shy about it neitha. Bon Jovi knows he’s got great bawlls and a great bawd ta boot. The way he’s always posin’ and stripin’ for the camera. Those bawlls can seduce an entire concert arena with one thrust and a kick to the speaka.

Don’t kid yaselves ladies. Ya think his voice is sexy? Ya think it’s the tousled hair and chisled feachas that get cha? Nope. Really you’re just being hypnotized by his nuts. It’s like they’re swingin’ two little pocket watches in ya faces.

Good on ya Jon Bon – you’ve got us all figuad out. Hip thrusts in tight denim will get us every time. And to think, these bawlls are from the beautiful Garden State of Jersey? Not much comes out of Jersey; take it from Deb and me. But we can say that we are the home of Jon Bon Jovi and his perfect, seductive bawlls, so that’s sumthin’.

Beltre’s Bruised Bawlls

So this guy, Adrian Beltre, tore and bruised his bawll sac the utha day while playing baseball.

Read the story here.

Earth to Adrian! Ya supposed to wear one of those plastic cups if you play sports, ya silly asshole. You think they’re uncomftable? What’s more uncomftable Adrian? A cup on ya bawlls or the look on that special someone’s face when she goes down there and sees a big, blue, swollen sac? I think I know the ansa. Not to mention the feeling you must get when ya walkin' like a duck down the street. Now that's uncomftable.

Protect ya bawlls Adrian. I neva wanna have ta post about this issue again. It’s too upsetting.

Do Ya Bawlls Hang Low?

Now that's what I like to see... a nice, perky pair. These could be your bawlls, Harrison Ford, Iggy Pop and Crazy Nick Nolte. Old bawlls = droopy bawlls, but not anymore. Not with the Ball Lifter®. Say good bye to ya sad, droopy bawlls forever Mick Jagger, Mel Gibson and Regis. This nut-raising lil' contrapshun is a lifesava for ya saggin sack. Ya hear me talkin' David Letterman, Sly Stallone and Michael Douglas (and ya pop Kirk too)! Deb wouldn't just endorse any old nad product either (like this trash - the Ball Bra), the Ball Lifter® is a leada in nut-heightinin' technology. Just drop ya low hanging fruit into the straps and ta-da! Instant bawll buldge. This gets Deb's "Consuma Choice Awud". They outta send me some cash for this. And while at it, send a Ball Lifter® to Tommy Lee Jones.

Robin Williams’ Fur Bags

If those arms are any indication of how hairy Robin’s bawlls are, I mean those have got to be some bushy ass bawlls. You would need a good hedge clippa, maybe even a whippa snippa to clear a passage to those bawlls. Who knows? Maybe Robin likes his fluff bawlls? But it must get hot in the summa. Not this summa (I’ve only used the AC once!) but any utha regula summa. I bet those bawlls are down there pantin’ and fannin’ themselves, just prayin’ for a trim. Hey Robin, cut ya bawlls some slack and take their sweatahs off, for the summa at least.