Bawll Talk

Worldwide Pants Indeed

2009-10-21T14:56:00.002-04:00

So David Letterman sleeps around. With his staff. Does this surprise anyone? He’s a big star! He’s been on TV longer than my little Tony has been alive. Of course he sleeps around! Big effin’ deal. Hell, I would sleep with David Letterman, if he wanted to give ol’ Deb a go. Who am I to turn him down? I bet his bawlls are hilarious. I pictcha me and David on a bear skin rug by the fire… me, in a sexy negligee, David in black shoes, socks with garters, boxa shorts and nuthin’ else… whisperin sweet nuthins while David makes hamburgers and elephants out of his cock and old man bawlls, Puppetry of the Penis style. Mmmmmm. Sexy and hilarious. Togetha at last. Is it getting hot in here…?

600 Bawlls

2009-10-09T14:17:00.004-04:00

Gerard Butla was on Leno (early) last night. The man is an angel. Rememba the movie 300? I would say this is one of the best movies of all time. Why you ask? Because it features 600 of the hottest bawlls you’ve eva seen on the big screen. Eva. All marchin’ towards the Battle of Thermopylae. All prepared to die. What I wouldn’t give for a gust a wind to blow those little loincloths off and witness 600 bare Spartan bawlls. The thought of it makes me shudda.

Marilyn Manson’s Snot Bawlls

2009-09-25T14:59:00.004-04:00

There are not many things in this world that make me cringe, but Marilyn Manson’s snot bawlls are one of ‘em. Apparently the crazy bastud blew snot bawlls from both nostrils while performing “Beautiful People” up in Canada this week. Ironic and disgustin’.

I think these snot bawlls are the only bawlls Marilyn Manson actually has. His bawlls down unda checked out a long time ago. And by checked out, I mean they’re probably hiding in his stomach somewhere, just prayin’ they don’t have to be a part of the freak show he calls a concert. Marilyn Manson scared the livin’ daylights outta his own bawlls. And he scares the livin' daylights outta Joyce too.

Fake Bawlls

2009-09-22T14:33:00.004-04:00

Chaz Bono has bawlls. Literally. Huge bawlls for a girl. Or former girl. Confused? So was she…

Chastity Bono, daughter of Cher and Sonny, was born with lady bits. But inside, Chastity was Chaz – the man you see before you today. Chastity undawent genda reassignment surgery, brave ladyboy that she is. She turned her twat into a twig and got some fake berries implanted. Kinda makes ya wunda if fake bawlls are like fake boobs… if done right, you wouldn’t even be able to tell. As a ball connoisseur, I like to think I’d be able to tell the difference. I’d like to put Chaz’s balls in one of those mystery boxes and Jon Bon Jovi’s bawlls in anotha, grab a bottle of zinfandel and a pack of Marlboros, throw on Slippery When Wet and play “Are they real?” all night long. Doesn’t even matter if I’m wrong, Deb doesn’t discriminate in any mattas relatin’ to bawlls.

The pic above shows Chastity and Chaz - then and now.

Playbawlls

2009-09-09T13:33:00.003-04:00

Check out this pic of Hugh Hefner havin’ a snooze at his 83rd birthday pardy. Hef ain’t exactly the young buck he useta be, but I’d be willin’ ta bet his 83 year old balls have some stories to tell. In fact, his two bawlls probably have more stories than 20 bawlls put togetha.

If Hugh’s bawlls could talk, it’d go sumthin’ like this:

Bawll1: I’m tired.
Bawll2: Me too. And cold.
Bawll1: What?
Bawll2: I don’t remember.
Bawll1: I’m tired.

Get it? He’s old. And so are his old, old bawlls. Sure, there was a time when Hugh had his bawlls caressed by some of the wurlds sexiest and slutiest women. But now the only thing caressin’ his bawlls is his Depends Ultras. We all had our heyday, but no one is exempt from old bawlls. Except all women. Take that, men and ya bawlls. Suckas.

Snoop Dogg's Supa Bawlls

2009-09-09T12:43:00.006-04:00

So apparently Snoop Dogg has been appointed Creative Chairman of Priority Records. He’s callin’ himself the “Boss Dogg” of the labul. You wanna know what I call him? The “Supa High Boss Dogg”. This is a lot a responsibility for such a stona. Oh well, at least he’s the “creative” chairman. Cause you know everyone is more creative after a puff of the funny stuff. Snoop Dogg’s bawlls are probably even high. I can just picture them down there “hey man, you wanna smoke?”, then they start blowin’ supas to each utha. What a sight that would be. Two little bawlls, hot boxin’ Snoop's drawers. Geez, I wanna smoke with those two little buggas. Betta than hot boxin' the showah, I bet-cha!

I wanna lay you down in a bed of roses Jon Bon Jovi

2009-08-21T15:01:00.005-04:00

Who doesn’t love Bon Jovi’s bawlls? I’d like to know. He is an utta saint and his bawlls are the best in the biz.

He’s not shy about it neitha. Bon Jovi knows he’s got great bawlls and a great bawd ta boot. The way he’s always posin’ and stripin’ for the camera. Those bawlls can seduce an entire concert arena with one thrust and a kick to the speaka.

Don’t kid yaselves ladies. Ya think his voice is sexy? Ya think it’s the tousled hair and chisled feachas that get cha? Nope. Really you’re just being hypnotized by his nuts. It’s like they’re swingin’ two little pocket watches in ya faces.

Good on ya Jon Bon – you’ve got us all figuad out. Hip thrusts in tight denim will get us every time. And to think, these bawlls are from the beautiful Garden State of Jersey? Not much comes out of Jersey; take it from Deb and me. But we can say that we are the home of Jon Bon Jovi and his perfect, seductive bawlls, so that’s sumthin’.

Beltre’s Bruised Bawlls

2009-08-14T14:59:00.004-04:00

So this guy, Adrian Beltre, tore and bruised his bawll sac the utha day while playing baseball.

Read the story here.

Earth to Adrian! Ya supposed to wear one of those plastic cups if you play sports, ya silly asshole. You think they’re uncomftable? What’s more uncomftable Adrian? A cup on ya bawlls or the look on that special someone’s face when she goes down there and sees a big, blue, swollen sac? I think I know the ansa. Not to mention the feeling you must get when ya walkin' like a duck down the street. Now that's uncomftable.

Protect ya bawlls Adrian. I neva wanna have ta post about this issue again. It’s too upsetting.

Do Ya Bawlls Hang Low?

2009-08-12T16:08:00.006-04:00

Now that's what I like to see... a nice, perky pair. These could be your bawlls, Harrison Ford, Iggy Pop and Crazy Nick Nolte. Old bawlls = droopy bawlls, but not anymore. Not with the Ball Lifter®. Say good bye to ya sad, droopy bawlls forever Mick Jagger, Mel Gibson and Regis. This nut-raising lil' contrapshun is a lifesava for ya saggin sack. Ya hear me talkin' David Letterman, Sly Stallone and Michael Douglas (and ya pop Kirk too)! Deb wouldn't just endorse any old nad product either (like this trash - the Ball Bra), the Ball Lifter® is a leada in nut-heightinin' technology. Just drop ya low hanging fruit into the straps and ta-da! Instant bawll buldge. This gets Deb's "Consuma Choice Awud". They outta send me some cash for this. And while at it, send a Ball Lifter® to Tommy Lee Jones.

Robin Williams’ Fur Bags

2009-08-07T17:10:00.002-04:00

If those arms are any indication of how hairy Robin’s bawlls are, I mean those have got to be some bushy ass bawlls. You would need a good hedge clippa, maybe even a whippa snippa to clear a passage to those bawlls. Who knows? Maybe Robin likes his fluff bawlls? But it must get hot in the summa. Not this summa (I’ve only used the AC once!) but any utha regula summa. I bet those bawlls are down there pantin’ and fannin’ themselves, just prayin’ for a trim. Hey Robin, cut ya bawlls some slack and take their sweatahs off, for the summa at least.

Ray Romano’s Bawlls are always frownin’

2009-07-30T09:18:00.003-04:00

Why is it that Debra neva wants anything to do with Ray’s bawlls? Oh, wait a minute, I know why. It’s because they’re sooo boring. Droopy, sagging, boring bawlls. And so saracastic. I’d like to slap some sense into those floppy, smart ass bawlls. Hey Ray, maybe if ya bawlls weren’t so sarcastic you would get some more sac action from Debra, ya silly asshole.

P. Diddy's Crystal Bawlls

2009-07-27T11:54:00.004-04:00

Mo money, mo problems? Yup. Apparently the IRS is lookin’ for ya, Diddy. Something about not paying ya back taxes… but how could that be? Ya covered in crazy bling and ya pour Cristal all ova tha floor for ya “dead homie” Biggie Smowlls. You own multiple homes, cars; ya take vacations in exotic island paradises. That pinky ring costs more than my house! Jeezus, I bet ya bawlls are made from Swarovski crystals and ya undies are made from the finest silks money can buy. Everything you do is so damn extravagant – don’t get me wrong, I would love to go to one of ya parties – but I need you to pay ya taxes so I can keep gettin’ my welfare cheques.

On the utha hand, if you need a bawll-polisher to keep them Swarovski’s gleamin’ and glistenin’, Deb comes qualified. And cheap. But not that cheap, we all know ya have the money, ya bastud.

Jon Gosselin's Shameful Bawlls

2009-07-23T11:35:00.005-04:00

Jon Gosselin is a joke. Productive bawlls, no doubt, but he should be ashamed of himself. Leavin’ poor Kate out to dry with 8 little ones runnin’ around. Jon, take it from Joyce, you may be having fun now. But how are you going to feel when those turbo bawlls produce anotha litta with that floozy you’ve been messin’ around with? And now I hear that you’re hanging out with Michael Lohan? FYI - he is a losa. And don't even get me started on that crazy fake tattoo sleeve get-up you're wearin'. Death before dishonor my foot. Seriously, Jon, you’ve got baggage, in more ways than one.

Old Bawlls

2009-07-20T13:16:00.003-04:00

Henry Allingham died on Saturday. At 113, he was the worlds oldust living man. Before he died of "natural causes", he credited his long life to "cigarettes, whiskey and wild, wild women". Gotta love this old basturd... When I heard the news I couldn't help but wunda what 113 year old bawlls would be like. Do they get better with age, like fine cheese or a full bodied red wine? Fat chance! I think it's more likely that they wrinkle to raisin proporshuns and droop down to his sock garters. You know you're old when ya hafta move ya wrinkled bawlls outta your way to take ya socks off. At 113, Henry was probably trippin' on his balls all the time. Since when does "natural causes" mean "tripped ova my crazy old bawlls and kicked the bucket"?

Sammy's Bruised Bawlls

2009-07-16T09:17:00.002-04:00

Oh jeez, I’m sorry too everybody. It’s hard to post from the stables but I managed to get internet access at a little café this aftuhnoon. Speaking of the stable, have I got a doozy for yous guys. Have ya heard of Sammy Sosa? The baseball playa? Well, he retired (again) from baseball last month and has been spending all his time back in the Dominican. Where in the Dominican you ask? Joyce’s stables. Yup, that's right. Sosa has taken up horseback ridin’! He says it hurts is bawlls, that they're a deep shade of purple from all the bouncin'. We talk about his bawlls a lot actually. I’ve offuhd to massage them, ice them, but Sammy wants to keep things platonic. Maybe someday Sammy, maybe someday.

Jezz, sorry folks....

2009-07-13T18:03:00.003-04:00

It's been a while... but with Joyce back in the Dominican for the summa and poor Deb mournin the loss of Michael Jackson (god bless his darlin' little heart - he was too good for this world), we've simply been too busy to talk bawlls. We'll get our shit together ova here and be back to posting before ya know it.... and then... all bawlls, all the time. The way it oughtta be.

Hardee's Holes

2009-07-02T16:44:00.002-04:00

This spot for Hardee's 'Biscuit Holes' is a lil' bit of genius. My vote would be "sweet icin' cuvad doughy bawlls". I gotta get me summa these delish lookin' dough bawlls...

Zac's Baby Tabby Bawlls

2009-06-29T18:19:00.005-04:00

Apparently this guy is the flava of the week for the young ladies. Neva heard of him, but let me tell ya sumthin – he’s cute as a button and he loves bawlls too, his own bawlls that is. Zac, why ya grabbin' ya bawlls like that when you've got Joyce ova here, ready and willin'? I’d like to cup those bawlls in my hands, caress them fah hours on end. What a sight that would be! Young Zac, whoeva he is, layin' on Joyce’s couch, legs spread, bawlls out. And me, beside him, just caressin’ away while I watch TV. It wouldn’t surprise me if those bawlls purred like a pair of little kittens. I bet they are as soft as a pair of baby tabbies, no doubt.

Sexy, Sexy Bawlls

2009-06-17T21:50:00.003-04:00

Thoughtcha might enjoy!

Richard Gere's Butta Bawlls

2009-06-17T15:23:00.005-04:00

I’ve noticed that I’ve been a little negative towards bawlls lately so I’m going to switch gears and talk about someone whose bawlls I love. Whose bawlls, you ask? Richard Gere’s bawlls. Ha, I'm switchin' gears to Gere - I just made the connection now, I swear. I mean, who wouldn’t love Richard Gere’s bawlls. They’re smooth as butta. I would literally butta my bread with those handsome, smooth bawlls. I would eat Richard Gere’s buttary bawlls on toast every morning if I could. What was that movie he was in with J-Lo? ‘Should We Dance’ or sumthin? That was a classic. Richard Gere’s dance moves are almost as silky smooth as his bawlls. It would’ve been betta if he fluttud around the dance floor pant-less. Smooth bawlls melting all ova the big screen while he pranced around the ballroom, or shall I say, bawllroom dancefloor. Holy crap, I'm on a roll today Deb.

She Doesn't Have a Pretty Face

2009-06-17T15:14:00.004-04:00

Ya might be asking yaself "Who the hell is that?", but ya know him. It's supa-blogga extraordinaire Perez Hilton. It's a sad, sad day when ya lose 100lbs only to find out that you were more attractive as a fatty. Ahhh well. I do wunda sometimes what happens to all that extra skin... especially in the bawll-region. As if there wasn't already an abundance of skin in the sack area, think of what it must look like down there now with the mega weight loss. Perez could probably wrap the skin from his sack around his whole body like a Popple. Memba Popples?

WARNING!! Drop Dead Gorgeous Bawlls May Kill You

2009-06-12T14:52:00.006-04:00

Listen up, Joyce. If you don't hear from me for a few days, you should really call to make sure ya friend Deb is okay. Why, you ask? Well, I've been passed out cold on the floor for since Tuesday! Ya, that's right.... while looking for something 'topical' to post about, I came across this David Beckham Armani ad. It ain't new, but holy shit is it ever worth bawll talkin'. Actually, there aren't even words for this. Just me, hyperventilating, breathin into a paper bag tryin my damndest not to pass the fuck out again. Holy shit, Beckham, that’s just too much. Seriously. Turn the sexy down, ya crazy asshole, are ya tryin to kill us? Jesus. I'm gettin lightheaded again... dizzy... oh... dear....... bawlls.... wha...??

It'd be crazy embarrassing to die from bawll swoonin'. Oh, but wutta way'da go...

Happy Friday Everyone!

2009-06-12T10:18:00.006-04:00

Don't cha just love the summa?

Snake on ya Bawlls Lambert

2009-06-11T10:51:00.006-04:00

Is it just me, or is there sumthin disturbin about this cover? At first glace, nuthin new. Young, hot, barely legal, seductive, fresh outta the closet, “wild idol”. But then I took a closer look. Everything is centered around the crotch area. The snake, the buttafly, that crazy medieval belt.That snake is just about to slitha right into Lambert’s pants. What would happen then? That snake would wrap itself up in those bawlls and then young Adam would really have sumthin to sing about. I mean, I don’t even know where to start with this. Is it a subliminal message or sumthin? Or is Adam already into some freakin business? And the buttafly too. What’s that all about? This is all too deep for Joyce. Quite frankly, this is too deep for Adam Lambert. Just show us ya hot gay bawlls and get on with it.

Phelps' Full Body Speedo

2009-06-09T11:20:00.005-04:00

Oh, hello there, Mikey Phelps and ya full body Speedo. Are ya arms outstretched cuz you're lookin for some love from Deb? Deb would like to hug you too. Whatcha doin later? Wanna go for a swim, maybe hit the bong, whatever it is you crazy kids do these days? Well, Deb's into whatever you and your gold-medal bawlls wanna do.

I hear Mikey's got size 14 feet, that act like flippas for maximum thrust in the wata. I bet his bawlls act like fins.

There outta be a law that forces men built like Phelps to wear Speedos and nothing but. Anyone else in that get up would repulse, but Phelpsy-boy still turns my crank, full body Speedo and all.

Spencer Pratt - Bawlls in Need

2009-06-09T09:22:00.005-04:00

Spencer Pratt has no soul, or substance for that mattuh. He has empty bawlls as well. You could light up a torch and go exploring through those shallow cave bawlls and you know what you would discova? Nuthin. I’m sure they’re not so attractive on the outside neither. Dry as bones, as Deb would say. And there is nuthin worse than a set of dry bawlls. Get some aloe vera on those bawlls Pratt. And while you’re at it, moisturize ya soul.

Crosby's Patchy Rug Bawlls

2009-06-04T10:12:00.003-04:00

If Sidney Crosby’s bawlls look anything like Sidney Crosby’s chin, Joyce is not a fan. I pic-cha a fuzzy little patchy rug on each bawll. Like someone took a riding lawnmower to a 70’s shag all ovah those bawlls.

Some people say that it doesn’t matter what Sidney’s bawlls look like, it’s how he plays that mattuhs. Joyce disagrees. Sidney, take it from an expert, fuzzy patchy rug bawlls are never a good idea. When the playoffs are ovah and you shave that chin, do us all a fava and get rid of the fuzz rugs on ya bawlls as well.

Top Ten One-Bawlled Wundas

2009-06-02T14:54:00.008-04:00

In my neva ending bawll hunt, I found this top 10 list of uni-ballwed boys. Did you know Governor Terminator only has the one little fella down there? That explains a lot.

Sure, it's cute, but where's the list of real men with more than the standud pair? Deb could deal with a triple sack. There's not enough bawlls in the world fer this girl.

Read the complete list here.

Oh, and check out the pair on that squirrel. Nice nuts. Deb approves. That squirrel’s got more bawlls than Hitler!

Bruno’s Bawlls in Eminem’s Face

2009-06-02T10:36:00.003-04:00

Some people have all the luck. What did Eminem do to deserve this? Sing a few rap songs? Be angry all the time about everything? Why couldn’t it be Deb n' Joyce sittin there at the MTV Movie Awards when Bruno flew from the heavens and shoved his bawlls in Eminem’s face? Why? There’s been some talk about this segment being staged. I bet it was. I bet it was Eminem’s idea. Bawll lovin’ bastud.

Tom Hanks is a bawll tease

2009-06-01T15:52:00.004-04:00

So I went to see that ‘Angels and Demons’ movie last night. I gotta admit, it’s a real snoozah … except for one scene right at the very beginning. Tom Hanks in a pool. That’s right ladies, Tom Hanks does a few gorgeous laps and then pops up outta the pool to talk to some man about symbolism or sumthin. The problem is that you only see my Hanksy soakin wet from the chest up. I was sittin there prayin, just prayin for him to take a few steps out of the pool. But no, the scene cut and I was left wunderin. I wasn’t even worried about the shrinkage. It would have been breath taking to see Tom’s tiny shrunken bawlls, like a couple a little blueberries. Here is my question to Tom Hanks: Tom, why are you always doing movies that involve swimming but you never show your beautiful little bawlls? Cast Away, Splash. Ok, so maybe there are only two uthas. But honestly, give a girl a break. Stop being such a bawll tease.

BawllFreak

2009-05-27T16:21:00.005-04:00

There's 3 things in life that scare the crap outta me and they are, in orda:

Clowns
Matthew McConaughey
Magicians

Not that you could call what Criss Angel does "magic". He mostly just wears his diamond encrustud jewels, ripped jeans and no shirt, and parades around making silly banta with paid actors and stagin' camera tricks. Goofball. I saw him once in Vegas and he was wearin' more make-up than I was. Plus, I checked out the package and I gotta say, for tight pants there wasn't much bulge goin' on. Either he made his bawlls disappear or Criss was born a lady. I'm working on my own "illusion", and it involves Criss' bawlls levitating really low over a campfire while children make s'mores and sing "Kum Bay Ya". Ya, it's kinda weird. What? I'm still workin' on it...

Side note: Criss kinda looks like my ex-husbands first wife, Barb... Coincidence?

Rubber Bawlls at my Fingatips

2009-05-26T17:03:00.003-04:00

Check out this gem. I can’t believe it’s finally happened. “You got balls anti-stress balls”. Those stupid stress balls always reminded me of real bawlls, howeva, this is genius. I ordered a pair and I’ve squooshed those bawlls every day since they arrived. Squoosh Squoosh Squoosh. I literally turn into a zombie, sittin’ there, eyes closed, squooshin’ my squishy little fake bawlls for hours.
Note to the manufacturer: I’m sorry, but this is a terrible name for your product. I guess you’re alludin’ to the stressed out power suit on the front. I get it. But you don’t have to be so literal. Have some fun with it. It could be the stress ball scrotum, stress-tesicles, even. I tell ya Deb, I’m in the wrong business.

Bawlldwin Boys

2009-05-25T15:46:00.005-04:00

Ah, the Baldwin Brothers. I would marry any of one of 'em for the name alone. To be referred to as Deb Baldwin-Doyle would be like a dream come true...

Alec, the hottest and most "age-appropriate", is also the scariest. I hear he has a tempa that rivals mine. But I could look past our similarities if his bawlls are as dashing as he was in Knots Landing.

Stephen, the born again Christian baby-Bawlldwin, probably has a pair like a 6 year old.

Daniel was recently on that VH1 Celebrity Rehab show and I fell in love. Sure, he's been arrested multiple times and has done enough of the cocaine to kill a small horse, but Deb's a sucka for the bad ones. Danny, I got a glass coffee table and your bawlls can crash on my couch any night, you pick.

Who the hell is Billy Baldwin? Seriously, his Wikipedia page says he's been in like 50 movies, but I rememba nothin' about him. I bet his balls are invisible.

ZZ Bawlls

2009-05-25T15:09:00.005-04:00

Much like Joyce and myself, ZZ Top have been rockin' for 40 years. Call me crazy, but every time I throw on the Best of ZZ Top, I find myself wundurin' what the bawll situation is on these fellas. I picture each bawll having its own knee length beard. I'd like to spend some time with ZZ Top, a magnum of zinfandel and four pairs of tiny novelty sunglasses. Wuddya say boys, let's see what happens, huh? Just lookin' for some tush? I got some tush right here for ya. I ain't asking for much.

Twinkle Toes Clooney

2009-05-22T18:07:00.003-04:00

Here’s a picture of George Clooney when he came to the Dominican last summa. Not one of your most flattering shots George, ya silly asshole. Anyways, we got to talkin’, I offered him a Presidente, and the next thing you know, I was the center of the Clooney universe. George was all over me like a bad smell. And let me tell ya Deb, it’s been a while, but I wouldn’t touch those bawlls with a 20 foot pole. That Clooney has been around the block and back. Don’t get me wrong, George is a looker ... but only from the head to the waistline. Those bawlls have been exposed to some craziness and Joyce does not want to be a part of it. Get off my back Clooney. I got standuds.

Bob's Bawlls

2009-05-22T14:18:00.002-04:00

Oh, sweet Bob Ross and ya happy little brush strokes. I can't think of anything I'd rather do than watch Bob paint lone mountains and rustic winta woods, all the while speakin' in his soothin' voice. Mr. Ross, please consida this an open invitation to come over and paint Deb, Titanic style. Ya know what I'm sayin' Bob? Ya catchin' my drift?

I wonda if Bob's bawlls are as silky smooth as his mellow voice, or if the carpet matches the afro'd drapes... I truly wonda...

Full House of Bawlls

2009-05-21T15:14:00.001-04:00

Whatever happened to Jesse Katsopolis? Remember that show Deb, Full House? Now that was a good show. I watched it just so I could look at the bulge in Uncle Jesse’s jeans. I always wundud if he maintained his bawll hair as well as he maintained that gorgeous mop of hair on his head. He probably had a whole line of bawll maintenance products. Bawll hair gel, anti-wrinkle bawll cream, extra hold bawll spray, extra fullness bawll mousse. I would love to style those bawlls. In fact, I would like to fill my house with Uncle Jesse’s bawlls.

Triple Play

2009-05-20T15:36:00.001-04:00

Three men, only five bawlls between 'em:

1. Matthew McConaughey, adorable as he is, scares the living crap outta me. Didja hear he buried the placenta from his childs birth under a tree in his garden? Look it up. All I can say about his bawlls is that if they're anything like his tiny raptor arms, they must be like two lil' raisins. And Deb doesn't like raisins.

2. Lance Armstrong is a living doll. I don't care if he only has the one ball, because the sperm from that one ball could probably still get past 2 condoms, my hysterectomy, a mac truck and the Brooklyn bridge to impregnate me. Live Strong, indeed.

3. If little Jakey Gyllenhall's bawlls are as cute as he is, I would put a bonnet on them and roll them around the neighborhood in a stroller and the utha mothers would just die at the sight of my sweet baby bawlls.

LeBawller

2009-05-20T10:05:00.000-04:00

There's been some talk about this guy being the best basketball player of all time. Let me tell ya Deb, he's definitely got my vote for best bawlls of all time. LeBron needs a basket, in fact, he needs two huge baskets to contain those bawlls. How does a man with such gigantic bawlls move so fast and jump so high? If you look carefully, you can see the outline of his enormous bawlls through those silky shorts. I'm just waiting for the day when those beautiful black bawlls escape through his undashorts and we see three bawlls bouncing down the court...like a Halloween dream. Deb and I wouldn't mind dribblin' those balls neitha. Take 'em to the basket and get two slam dunks, simultaneously, one after the utha.

Deb's Delish Rum Bawlls

2009-05-20T09:45:00.001-04:00

My little Tony loves these Rum Bawlls. The recipe is a family secret. Not my family, my ex-husbands, so enjoy!

1 cup (250 mL) icing sugar
1 cup (250 mL) ground almonds
3 oz (90 g) bittersweet chocolate grated
1/3 cup (75 mL) dark rum
1 tsp (5 mL) vanilla
1/2 cup (125 mL) chocolate sprinkles

Line trays with waxed paper; set aside.

In large bowl, whisk icing sugar, almonds and bittersweet chocolate. Stir in 1/4 cup (50 mL) of the rum and vanilla until solid moist mass; press together. Chill until firm enough to roll, about 15 minutes.

Roll by rounded teaspoonfuls (5 mL) into balls, moistening and wiping hands with damp cloth as needed. Place on prepared trays.

Pour remaining rum into shallow bowl. Pour chocolate shot (the sprinkles) into separate shallow bowl. Roll balls in rum then in chocolate, pressing lightly to adhere. Let dry on tray, 1 hour. Refrigerate until firm.

Adorabawlls

2009-05-19T11:55:00.000-04:00

Holy smokes, Joyce, have you ever heard of this adorable little Shia LaBeouf? I hear he's in some sort of children's movie, Transformers or something? Well my goodness, I'm going to have to take my little Tony to see this one if it means I can get a glimpse of Shia's pair of LeBeouf's. Adorabawlls, simply adorabawlls.

Hoff's "hot bawlls" turned wrinkly

2009-05-19T11:17:00.000-04:00

There was a time when the Hoff had hot bawlls. The best in the biz. I saw "Baywatch" once or twice. But lately all you hear about is his boozing ways. Less booze, more balls says Deb. Unless they're as wrinkly as those puppies. And by "puppies", I mean the dogs.

Chuck's Bawll Room

2009-05-17T11:06:00.000-04:00

Chuck Norris has so much bawlls, it's like Chuck E. Cheese's bawll room down there. Kids are getting lost in Chuck's bawlls... I haven't seen my little Tony since Tuesday.